Day 30: All You Need Is Love

Today is Valentine’s Day, which means love is literally in the air. Between the overgrown, colorful helium balloons to the two dozen long-stem red roses, it’s apparent that February 14th has been dubbed yet another consumer holiday. But, truth be told, V-Day has that unique, special touch that makes each one of us excited, women more so than men. Maybe it’s the magic of possible surprises. Whether we women actually have a valentine or not, each one of us still can’t help but secretly wish for a beautiful bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates to show up at our front door. It’s basically a love/hate relationship, if you ask me. Bottom line, we all crave that longing for a lasting, unconditional love. For those of you who have experienced a special love, you can all agree that it is one of the most incredible and indescribable feelings in the world. If you haven’t experienced it yet, it’s coming. Here are 15 facts about love that I bet you didn’t know: (Courtesy of Laura Schaefer, author of Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor)

1. Men who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer than those who don't.
2. People are more likely to tilt their heads to the right when kissing instead of the left (65 percent of people go to the right!)
3. Two-thirds of people report that they fall in love with someone they've known for some time vs. someone that they just met.
4. Falling in love can induce a calming effect on the body and mind and raises levels of nerve growth factor for about a year, which helps to restore the nervous system and improves the lover's memory.
5. Love can also exert the same stress on your body as deep fear. You see the same physiological responses — pupil dilation, sweaty palms, and increased heart rate.
6. The women of the Tiwi tribe in the South Pacific are married at birth.
7. Eleven percent of women have gone online and done research on a person they were dating or were about to meet, versus seven percent of men.
8. Couples' personalities converge over time to make partners more and more similar.
9. The oldest known love song was written 4,000 years ago and comes from an area between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers.
10. The tradition of the diamond engagement ring comes from Archduke Maximillian of Austria who, in the 15th century, gave a diamond ring to his fiancée, Mary of Burgundy.
11. Forty-three percent of women prefer their partners never sign "love" to a card unless they are ready for commitment.
12. People who are newly in love produce decreased levels of the hormone serotonin — as low as levels seen in people with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Perhaps that's why it's so easy to feel obsessed when you're smitten.
13. Philadelphia International Airport finished as the No. 1 best airport for making a love connection, according to an online survey.
14. According to mathematical theory, we should date a dozen people before choosing a long-term partner; that provides the best chance that you'll make a love match.
15. Every Valentine's Day, Verona, the Italian city where Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet took place, receives around 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet.

Wow, pretty interesting huh? While this one day out of the year may be devoted specifically to romance, we all have to wonder about the rest of those 364 days? They need love too! Or, what about those other relationships in your life where there lies a different type of love? Maybe a long-time friendship with a girl friend or close familial bond with a parent or sibling. Every relationship we have in our lives contains a form of love. But I bet you have forgotten one type of love that seems to fly under the radar quite often. Ever stopped to think about the relationship you have with yourself? At this moment, the little imaginary light bulb that is situated over your head should be shining very bright right now.

The relationship you have with and love you have for yourself isn’t about vanity or being conceited. It’s about accepting the way you were created and embracing each quality you possess. Every flaw, every imperfection, every single thing about you is beautiful. Whether you have a slight stutter when you’re talking to a room full of people or tend to trip every now and then even when there is nothing there to trip over, you love the small quirky qualities you have. Not to mention the freckles, curvy hips and curly hair too. Though they all of these qualities, physical and mental, are aggravating, there still exist. And we tend to forget them. We tend to forget our own self-worth.

For a very long time, I had fallen out of love with myself. I let my emotions run completely wild. I allowed myself to consume an unhealthy amount of food without regret. Not to mention, I gave up on the idea of exercise, activities and anything that would produce healthy, positive hormone releases. Mentally, physically and emotionally, I neglected myself completely. A year ago, I was a complete mess. It was pretty evident that I fell out of love with me. And not only did I neglect myself, but I also put other’s needs ahead of my own. I took on a heavy amount of emotional baggage from others without saying ‘no’. From trying to solve their own problems to doing everything in my power to make them happy, I weighed myself down with jobs that I wasn’t even capable of doing. I was a co-dependent for many people, and I didn’t realize this until my therapist pointed it out to me in one of my sessions. Though it’s taken a little over a year to finally be rid of those unnecessary jobs, I feel free. Like all of the heavy burdens and weight that I was carrying on my back has been lifted. But getting rid of that weight was only the first step.

Once I finally made the decision to get my life back on track, I knew I had to face the one thing that had beaten me before, and that was the weight. After numerous attempts to get in shape and stay healthy, I’d fall back into old habits. And the weight piled back on. But once I finally made the step this year to join Weight Watchers, I knew that this wasn’t any attempt at all. It was and still is a goal that I plan on meeting. And here I am.

Recently, I have discovered a love. Rediscovered actually. An unrestricted love that has been buried by emotional baggage, low self-esteem, fear and physical weight. I have finally rediscovered the love that I have with myself. The quirky flaws, the beautiful imperfections and everything wonderful in between. Though, like every other relationship, I am taking it slow, I can now confidently say that I am head over heels in love with Dana Jean Hortman. And the best way to sum up the way I feel about myself can best be described by Dr. Maya Angelou.

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size.
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much,
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

To those of you who often forget how truly amazing you are, just remember that you are beautiful, always have been and always will be.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

XoXo,

DJH